She's all I ever had
by Cindy aka SG1PhileShipper
Summary: What happens after the kiss?


SHE'S ALL I EVER HAD  
  
By: Lonesome Shipper  
Email: cindy.vandenplas@skynet.be  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not in the mood. Everyone knows they don't belong to me, but to the genious himself. No fringe intended. I wish they were...  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Millenium  
  
Classification: Vignette/Romance  
  
Summary: What happens after the kiss?  
  
Keywords: Heavy UST and maybe even more... ;-)  
  
Archive: Please, knock yourself out.  
  
Feedback: Pretty please? My mailbox is getting lonely. Heck, my mailbox???? I'm getting lonely too. :-)  
  
  
  
  
Heaven, that's what I think I must be gone to. I just kissed my partner a few minutes ago, and she didn't slap, shoot or even kill me. She just enjoyed the moment and accepted what I was giving her. I thought she would kill me for less. Oh boy, what was I wrong. If I had known she would let me kiss her, I would have tried it a long time ago. The moment she walked into my office seven years ago, I knew she would be more than just a partner. And I was right. For the last seven years, Scully was all I had. She's my best friend, my sister, my soulmate and how many times have I pictured her as my lover...  
  
The moment was just perfect. Everyone was hugging and kissing on Time Squares and we were standing in a waiting room in a hospital. Yes, I know, it's becoming an habit for us to spend time there. Heck, I think I spend more time at hospital than at my own appartment. This time, nothing bad happened. My arm is in a sling and I couldn't care less. Even my two arms could have been broken. Or make that both my arms and legs. All that mattered to me in that waiting room, was the feeling of Scully's warm lips upon mine.   
  
I still can't believe I had the guts to kiss her. She was smiling happily at the television in front of her and she looked so sweet. How could I have resisted? If I would have tried to resist, I would have gone nuts. And going nuts would mean locking me up again. I have been there before and I can swear with all I am, that it won't ever happen again. Not now and not tomorrow. Over my dead body.  
  
But back to business now: The kiss. As I already said, she was looking at the screen. She looked so peaceful and calm. So happy and complete. No mutants were chasing us this time. She was just enjoying the moment and I was only inches away. And suddenly my body started to live a life of its own. I turned my face towards her's and she choose that exact same moment to do the same. Without hesitation our mouths met for the first time. It was a lingering feeling. I still feel my lips burning from our kiss. As I smile to myself and touch my lips with my finger, I feel Scully fidgetting besides me. She is nervous and she's not trying to hide it.  
  
After we broke the most tender and sweet kiss I have experienced in my life, I smiled at her. One of my sweet grins and she smiled back at me. Our eyes locked for a few seconds and she broke the spell. She gazed at the floor at if it were the most facinating thing in the world. I could feel she was being shy at this, and was trying to figure out what had just happened. My radical partner was embarrassed about one kiss. It didn't have to mean anything, but we both knew it was so much more than "just" a kiss. It was a promise. A promise of things to come. A prove of our trust and faith in each other. Of what we had known all along, but were too scared to say aloud. Although it was a very innocent kiss, it meant that we were taking our already very strong relationship to another level. And then I wonder. How many levels are we allowed to have? You have partnership, you have friendship and you have love. And it seems to me, we are now more than ever floating somewhere in between.  
  
We have reached the car and I feel Scully getting even more nervous as we are about to break up and get inside. I still have my arm around her shoulder and we stand in front of he car. She's not moving and I won't move either. I just enjoy the warmth of her body so close to mine. I give her a sideway glance and I see she's lost in her own thoughts. Staring in front of her, counting on me to say when we are ready to let the other go. But she shouldn't count on me for that. I'm not letting her go. Because I enjoy the feeling of being close to Scully so much and because Scully is all I ever had.  
  
  
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Mulder has kissed me. Really kissed me. Not some tender or comforting kiss on my cheek or on the top of my head, but full on my lips. My lips still burn from the contact. If I had known it would feel so good to kiss my partner, I would have done it a long time ago.   
  
All the times I have dreamed of Mulder kissing me, don't come close to what I feel now. I'm aching inside, as if something's missing. As I touch my hand to my lips, I know it. I want to feel Mulder's lips on mine. I want to know if the second time will be as good as the first. I want to know if the second time will even be better. And I want to know if I'll ever get enough of his kisses. . I want more. I need more. I want all of him. He makes me feel important, complete, beautiful. I don't have to pretend with Mulder. He just takes me the way I am and that feels so darn good. No man as ever made me feel the way Mulder does. With him, I feel like I'm important. Mulder makes me whole and even more. I truly and utterly love the man with my entire being.  
  
I never pictured us kissing for the first time in hospital. But I should have known. We spend so much time there, that it was bound to happen there. And from now on, I don't hate hospitals that much. I might even start to like it. I have memories there now. Memories I don't want to forget and will cherish all my life. Because as long as I live I will remember that New Year of 1999-2000. It's printed in my memory like a burning candle. The new millenium has begon and I can't help feeling so happy.   
  
As I turn to look at the man who has his arms around my shoulder, I see his face and his eyes lightening up. I wonder what he's thinking about... I hope he's not thinking I didn't want this to happen. True after the kiss we smiled at each other and our eyes locked, and then I turned to look at the floor. Not because I regret letting him kiss me and kissing him back, but because I didn't know what to say. For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to say to Mulder. Always shoot down his theories, trying to prove him wrong. Me, the sceptical, didn't know how to react to a simple kiss. It was such a simple gesture. But it seems the more complicated things are, the more I can talk. But count on me to turn one friendly kiss into utterly bliss.  
  
Friendly kiss? Am I trying to kid myself here? This was not just a friendly kiss. This was and is the beginning of a new stage in our partnership. This is the beginning of what we have been going to since the first time we met. We have been working to this level in our relationship since we first shook hands. But I never imagined it would take us seven years to get where we are now. Mulder's passionate about everything. I thought he would have made a move on my much earlier. That only proves how much he respects me and I love him even more for that. It hits me how much he really loves me, how much her cares for me and how much he respect me. I never thought any man could care about me that much. Mulder has proven me wrong this time.  
  
Tears are starting to fall down my face and I'm not trying to hide them. Why should I? I have been hiding things for Mulder for the last seven years. And that ends right here right now.  
  
Through my clouded tears I see we are standing by the car. I don't know how long we have been standing here. Mulder still has his good arm around me. I look up at him and he stares back at me. He notices the tears in my eyes and is opening is mouth to speak. I lay my finger on his lips and he stops his attempt at speaking.  
  
I open the door and Mulder gets in. I rush to the other side and take of in a hurry.  
  
  
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Scully is driving me home. Or should I say speeding. No words have been spoken between us since we kissed and I am fearing I did something wrong. Sure she didn't hit me or leave me standing in the parking lot, but I can feel how tensed she is. I give her sideway glance all the way back to my place, but she's so concentrated on steering the car through the crows, she doesn't even notice I am staring at her. And the closer I get to my place, the more ghoosebumps I get. What am I gonna say to her when she drops me off. Just goodnight or should I kiss her? Should I ask her in? I don't know what I should do next and I hope Scully has better ideas where we go from here than I me. I don't know where I'm standing and all I can think about is making her stop the car and kiss her again. I want to know if she reacts to me. I want to know if we kissed by accident or if it was more.   
  
Scully stops in front of my building. Without giving her another look I get out. I think I have done something wrong tonight. And once is more than enough for one night. I slam the door of the car shut and almost spring to my appartment. I can't face Scully tonight. I don't want to hear her say that it was nice but that it shouldn't happen again.  
  
As I fumble with my keys I hear footsteps behind me. Scully, who else? At that moment I wish I could sink into the floor. She walks up behind me, takes my keys out of my hand and opens my door. I get in and hope she will follow. I let myself fall agains the doorframe and wait. But she's not coming. I hear her soft breathing on the other side of the door. She's not moving. I wait and a minute later and hear her turn and walk away. But I can't let this happen. If I let her go now, I might regret it for the rest of my life.   
  
I run after her and when she hear me coming, she stops. Her back is turned towards me and I gently place my hand on her shoulder. I feel her shudder at my touch. I turn her around and look into her blue, watery eyes. She has been crying over me and I never wanted that to happen. I never wanted Scully to cry over someone as me, cause I'm not worth it. She's too good for that.   
  
As we gaze at each other, something comes to my mind. Summer 1997. Scully, me and a darn bee in my hallway. And I want it to happen again. I want to get back to that moment, without the bee. I pull Scully into a tight embrace and she sobs against my gray t-shirt. This really is déjà-vu. The hallway, my greay t-shirt and Scully soaking it with unshed tears. Tears she has been holding start falling and I want to kiss them away. I want to take her head between my hands and tenderly kiss every tear. But before I can move, I feel Scully's lips burning on my forehead. Her mouth is so soft against my skin. I put my hands on her cheeks and she pulls away. Our eyes lock and she gives me a weak smile. We stay locked and I feel my own unshed tears falling down. But I won't let my tears stop me. Our mouths are inches away and I move mine towards her's . When my mouth is less than an inch away from mine, she lets out a sigh. A sigh she has been holding since we kissed in the hospital. As soon as my mouth touches her sensitive lips, I am completely lost in the moment. My legs go weak and I have trouble breathing. But I should be okay, because Scully is giving me the most romantic CPR I have ever received. Our kiss is tender, gentle and sweet. Just like the first one, but it lasts much longer. And this time our mouths move in an easy rhythm.   
  
When we break the kiss, we are both breathing heavily. No words have been spoken and no words need to be spoken. We both know what we need to know and we will take things slowly. I love and respect Scully too much to move fast. And I want to take slowly, because for the first time in my life, slow is good. Slow is bliss. Slow is heaven. And I give Scully a last tender kiss on the lips, before pulling her into a tight embrace. When I let her go, she smiles at me. The most beautiful and sweetest Scully-smile I have ever seen. And I want more of those. She gives me one last quick kiss on my lips and leaves. I smile at her, get in my appartment and close the door. I fall against the door and a goofy smile appears on my mouth. The good partners that we are, have spoken without words. Again. We are almost perfect at speaking like that. I am sad Scully left, but at the same time I'm glad. We have to take things slowly. Because slowly is Scully and because Scully is all I ever had.  
  
  
The end. Hope you liked it and thanks for reading. 


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